Dead Inside

No, I don't mean dead as in anything supernatural or scary. I mean emotionally. I'm 37, divorced, and single as single gets. In my hey days, I was a looker and a man magnet. The joke was that I never used the names. They were identified by some random fact in their lives - computer guy, musician guy, dorky guy, lawyer guy. I fell in love with one, maybe two if we broaden the definition of "love." And then I wanted babies. I got baby fever in a bad way. And no one told me that when you get baby fever you're supposed to get a dog. I got a husband and two kids.

Do not mistake me. I love my children. Fiercely. However, I am dead inside. I don't want a relationship. I don't think about relationships. I don't seek anything out. And I am not sharing this in a sad, melancholy way. Sincerely, I'm over it. I lived my salad days,