Why you gotta be a douche?

So the latest word to call people when they are being rude, unkind, cruel, or any other negative word is douche. Douchey douche. Douchemaster. Douche bag, of course. So why are there so many douches? Everyone's gotta be a buzz kill. Everyone's gotta put you down to make themselves feel better. Everyone's gotta let you know what you do wrong, and how they'd do it better. Why? What drives the douche to be a...douche? Low self-esteem? Maybe. Bad childhood? Probably. No friends? Most definitely. But I believe what drives the douche to be a douche above all over factors is jealousy. In this online/plugged in/3G world it's all about who can be the wittiest, who can come up with the clever links, who can stand out. And the douche, crouching in the corner, wants the attention. The douche wants to meat. The douche does whatever it takes to dethrone, even if it's mean. So listen up douches: I know your story. I got your number. Get off my cloud, douche. You ain't gonna rain on me.